Today I sent an email I did not want to send.
I have a heart for service. I want to help everyone do everything. But I just can't. I'm only one person... with three small children... a full time job... and lots of activities... and have you seen my house! My plate is full at the moment and while that's great and I'm so so super blessed, at times I feel like if I'm not serving, I'm falling short. How am I honoring God if not being the hands and feet?
I turned down a really amazing opportunity to connect with high schoolers, my favorite age group. It's probably the first time I've ever said no. Usually when given the chance I take it. This was really hard. I didn't want to pass it up, but looking at my weeks ahead, there's just not enough time. My heart breaks at the idea that I might not get to serve "full-time" until my children are older, grown even. I have dreams of moving away with my husband once the kids are off and married and serving aboard. Leaving our jobs and things and glorifying God every single day with our work. But at the same time, I don't want to wait until then to do anything at all.
My sweet husband says that I should look at it like I'm serving three lively's, everyday, and they need me to help mold them into little Christian soldiers.... Sometimes it's hard to see it that way. I want so bad to make a difference. Where is the balance between work, mom-hood, and living for God?
What if it's one in the same? Maybe Hubs is right. Perhaps I should look at my time as a young mom to honor God better. Show them that even the mundane can send him the glory. Be there for them every step, show them little ways to reach out without giving my full attention to any one assignment.
Volunteering to be team mom at an event I'll already be at. Rocking babies at the second church service. Reading a book to Masons kindergarten class. Driving other kiddos to school. Buying gas for the person behind me.
I pray my children never question where my heart lies and they might be encouraged by the way I serve those around me.
-Tuesday
